Enginerds

My office is in the Geotechnical Engineering Department, not for much reason in particular. My work is not specifically for the GED or Engineering, but everyone there has been very welcoming and insisted that I am now part of the Geotechnical Engineering "family." So when they asked if I would teach a 2 hour English class once a week, I was happy to oblige. After 2 sessions, it's apparent that these students, 10 PhDs and faculty members of the department, are much different than my undergrads.

I started things off with a get to know you game, and each student had to tell us about him/herself by writing words on the board that were important to them ("dog" because you like dogs, etc), and we all had to guess the meaning behind it. I explained that I like to keep class casual so people are comfortable and willing to speak up, and when I told them about myself, most of my facts were fun and silly. One student stood up, and wrote "2550" on the board.

Is this your lucky or favorite number?
No...
Is this your telephone number?
No...
Is this your apartment or office number?
No! These are the last 4 digits to my student ID number!

Then 4 other students did the same. An interesting statement on what the students value as important and how they identify themselves. Also an interesting statement on Engineers.

Sidebar: When I first arrived here, my group was given a tour of some of the campuses. At the Software Engineering Campus, a very sweet quiet Chinese student led our tour. She was rattling off facts about the college, and it wasn't our first stop of the day, so I wasn't listening too intently. At one point my ears perked up. "In our college, we have over 100 nerds and..." Wait, what? I must have misheard her. But then she said it again!, "Here we have over 80 nerds who..." We stole glances at each other. "Did you hear what I heard?" "Yeah, that's a lot of nerds!"

I did have one student, who's particularly... zealous, write "pop" on the board because he likes pop music. His fellow students then insisted he sing for us. He bashfully turned down the offer, but after a little more coaxing, gave in... and opened his notebook, where he had written down the lyrics to a Madonna song, and sang the entire thing for us. I appreciate the creativity, that's much better than good ol' 2550, but the whole scene is just awkward.

I was using my computer with the overhead, and had left it idle as I walked around the room, listening in as my students paired up and interviewed each other, forgot to turn off my screen saver, which is set to show random photos. 20 minutes in, the interview questions disappear from the screen and up pops a photo of a friend of mine from a vacation last summer. Harmless, but I still spazzed and ran across the room, squealing "Weeeeedon'tneedtoseethat!" and turned off the screen saver. The class was silent.
"Handsome," said one of my students, "He is very handsome"
I paused, considering how to react.
"Um, thank you..."
The class erupted into laughter. If nothing else, at least I'm entertaining.

Linkage

Like my blog? (yes. love.) Interested in more fun internets about China? (duh.) Here are some of my favorites.

Sinocidal If 5 frat guys moved to China, this is probably what they would write. Sometimes garners a "tsk, that's awful!" and they can sound a little bitter about living here. All in good fun, though. (sometimes NSFW)
Example of awesomness

EastSouthWestNorth Roland Soong of Hong Kong translates poignant articles/blogs/commentaries from China. The text-only layout is worth sifting through! I usually skip over sections 1 and 2.
Here's a highlight from earlier in May

Sinosplice This guy's been living here for 7 years, so he's got a bit of a leg up on me. His website is pretty extensive, including some good resources for learning Chinese... just in case any of you have been inspired to join the rest of us cool kids over in the Middle Kingdom.

Onemanbandwidth: An American Teacher in China Not a huge fan of his topics as of late (he's also a consultant and SEO specialist), but his stellar writing keeps me coming back. Often funny, interesting, or both.

Time Magazine's China Blog Written by a few of Time's people currently living here. Good! I thought it'd be lame.

The Opposite End of China American in North West China who takes photos I'm jealous of.

12 Months in the Middle Kingdom Also photos, also jealous.

China Law Blog Business Law in China, because someone's got to talk about something other than censorship and the Olympics.


Ok that's a start. Basically everyone who ever stepped foot in China blogged about it, so I have thousands where that came from.

Oh, and while I'm linking, NYT Mag had a really interesting article in early April about a young woman's attempt to bring Western-style education to China. Quite good, but I know you won't read all 12 pages.

ktv news

I've seen a few "K-TV" signs around town, and I seriously thought it was a local station with a bizarrely high number of studios around Jinan. HA! So wrong. It's karaoke. Now, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I can sing pretty well. However... I don't... sing... in public. As an ex voice major and a bit of a perfectionist, the idea of casually singing in front of my friends without a proper warm up and without a trusty accompanist and a key that agrees with me never seemed too enticing. Which is why I reluctantly accepted a friend's offer to experience K-TV. [Photo: outside K-TV, McDonald's next door, everyone looking hilariously awkward]

I envisioned it being like karaoke bars in America and Europe. Nothing fancy, kind of hole in the wall bars where people drink 'til they can't feel their face before stumbling off their stool and rushing the stage, inspired to share their talent with the world. Wrong again! Heading down to the building's basement, a host led us to a small soundproof room and closed the door behind us. Rather than having to wait your turn to sing at some normal old bar, each group gets their own room. Ours had yellow walls, dim green lights, a black couch, coffee table, and big-screen tv. I sat down on the sectional, Sean sat beside what looked like a PhotoHunt console and started picking out tunes, and the Chinese girls told us to sit tight while they ran to the store to get drinks and snacks (K-TV is missing out on serious G-flow by allowing that, btw). Karaoke in China is much less American Idol and much more sing-along. Everyone sings to the songs they know, the mic gets passed around at random. Or that's what we did, anyway.

Songs we sang:
Country Roads
(I've had) The Time of My Life
Phantom of the Opera
Simon & Garfunkel
The Beatles
Must Get Out (Maroon 5! We were in shock!)
... aka all the English songs they had, along with some Chinese songs I definitely didn't know.

But that's not all!

There was dancing...

air guitarage...

and beautiful, intimate moments.

Highlight of my day

Today as I was walking home from the south gate where my taxi always drops me off each day (which always pisses me off, because the guards' sole purpose seems to be, "Don't let the foreigners' cabs drive through. The Chinese students' cabs? That's cool"), I heard Chinese pop music playing in the distance. I got to thinking about how strange it is that there's so little western music here. I never hear it on the radio, and when I've asked my students about American music, they talk about The Beatles and Michael Jackson.

Heading towards my apartment, my mind continued to wander as the music grew louder, each song more Chinese-poppy than the one before it. I realized that I couldn't even remember the last time I heard an English song outside of my apartment. And then, just as I passed the boombox blasting the sweet jamzz, the next song came on, and I paused in surprise. "Hey," I thought. "I know this one!" And so do you.

Show me that smile again (show me that smile)
Don't waste another minute of your cryin'
We're nowhere near the end
The best is ready to begin...

Loudly playing for all of campus to hear and mixed in with today's other greatest hits was the original Growing Pains theme song from 1985 America. I'm pretty sure this confirms that China is not taking over the world just yet, but I sang it all the way home.

Oooohhh. As long as we got each other
We got the world spinnin right in our hands.
Baby you and me, we gotta be
The luckiest dreamers who never quit dreamin’.

As long as we keep on givin’
we can take anything that comes our way
Baby, rain or shine, all the time
We got each other
Sharin’ the laughter and love.

You know Big Mac?

Went out to lunch with a few female foreign students here. They hadn't been to Jenny's yet and seemed excited at the prospect of western food. When we sat down, "Pinky," who has never told us her Russian name, spots a bottle of ketchup, picks it up and looks at me and says, "Ketchup! Progress!" Because you know, that's way more forward-thinking than soy sauce. She loves anything American. When discussing cost of living at home vs. here, she interrupted me to ask, "You know Big Mac?" Very slowly, as if no one outside of Russia has heard of this Beeg Mahk before. Over lunch we chatted as best we could, despite multiple language barriers. No deep conversations, but I found it refreshing that even though we were from all corners of the world, we had a few things in common.
We complained that the air here is terrible for our skin and hair, and that all the oil in the cooking is going to make us fat.
We laughed about the weird Australian guy from class who is so obviously head over heels in love with [married] Pinky ("He does not like Americans!" she whispered. I told her I was ok with that).
We rolled our eyes over the styles here, and then, in a moment of pure brilliance, all realized that we had something very important in common: our favorite clothing store. Zara brings people together, apparently.

No longer in need of an eye patch

The quarantine's been lifted and I can now open my left eye. HA! Nice try, China, better luck next time! Did spend most of the week in hiding, though.

I've been talking with my class about personal interaction, and tonight we discussed "small talk." What's appropriate, what's not, and how all this varies between cultures. I said that for the most part we do not discuss politics and religion with people we are not close with, but we may refer to these topics in passing or very generally. After class, one of my students came up to me and asked what the proper protocol is if someone is asking specific questions about religion, and what if someone asks you to go to religious functions and you do not want to, but you do not want to say no, and you want to be direct like Americans are, but you still want to be nice and perhaps still be their friend, and, and... She was a bit distraught. I gave her some words of wisdom and she sent me an email this evening:

Dear WCBF,
Thank you for your advice today.I've been in some trouble yesterday, maybe I took it a little too seriously,anyway,thanks a lot,I hope the method will work^^
The classes today and last week are very helpful,that's what we really need~
I deeply appreciate it.(Is this a too formal one?:) and I really enjoy talking with you^_^
Best wishes!
Yours sincerely,miriam

Finally! An email from a student that didn't involve "constructive" criticism!

Also I had received an email from a student, saying he wouldn't be able to come to class tonight on account of the birthday party his friends were throwing him. Seriously? Make something up. Anything, I don't care. I had 2 students miss class this week because they had to help play host to members of the tourism department of a school in New Guinea. Did I question them? No. Did I ask for a note? No. And this kid wants to miss class for his birthday party?

I said ok.


But then he showed up to class anyway!



...for the last 15 minutes.




...so drunk.

Blog de jour

Do you like Chinese food? The first question Americans asked when they learned of my plans happens to be the first question the Chinese ask when we meet. Yes, I like Chinese food. Once you come to visit, you'll discover that there's a lot more to it than chicken lo mein.

It seems as if everyone is eating constantly. Vendors line the streets, and it's not uncommon to see business people walking down the street chomping on an icecream cone or various-glazed-fruit-on-a-stick. Restaurants appear out of nowhere when a guy parks his cooking stand, and sets up a few tables and folding stools (15cm off the ground). Before you know it, the entire block is full of people hunched over on their tiny chairs eating lunch. It's not so much pizza slices or hot dogs, more like Ramen noodles and fried or grilled somethings. Unfortunately, people seem to throw up here more often than freshman pledges at a frat party, and I'd venture to guess that much of this is due to poor food preparation (oh, speaking of, sort of, sorry we tried to kill your pets). It's not like I see it every day, but often enough to keep me away from street food, despite how good it may look.

In China, the phrase "Have you eaten?" is not a precursor to "Well then, want to get something with me?" Have you eaten and Are you hungry are the Chinese versions of How's it going. It continues to catch me off guard, and I sometimes still think this near stranger is about to ask me to grab lunch with them. Equating hungry and full to "how are you" is a bit of a throwback to Once Upon a Time when food wasn't in such bountiful supply (but I might be making this up). Along the same lines, it's considered very rude to finish all your food, as this suggests that you weren't served enough, and a host with impeccable manners will constantly be asking her guests if they would like more of this or more of that, did you have enough to eat, etc etc.

I tend to draw a bit of focus over these questions, as everyone is quite concerned over my diet. This is because I am... a... vegetarian. Being singled out like this is a bit uncomfortable. Did I eat enough, I should eat more such and such, did I try the blabla, I couldn't possibly be full, oh what will she eat, she's a vegetarian. Most Americans think little of it, but the Chinese are still a bit perplexed as to why I would choose to do something like that. Someone asked if I get used to being "hungry all the time." What??

Usually, people here are far too polite to ask me what that's all about, but just in case you were wondering:

• 9 years
• because it grosses me out. You see a steak, I see flesh and muscle and fat. Not in a PETA elitist way.
• yes I wear leather. No, I'm not really a hypocrite. If I liked meat, if it didn't gross me out, I'd eat it. I like fitted leather jackets, and they in no way gross me out.
  
• no i don't miss it; I don't really remember it
• yes I eat eggs, no I don't eat fish. No, an egg is not the same thing as a baby chicken. No really, it's not. You're an idiot.
• I don't care if you eat it in front of me, hold it under my nose, talk about it, order it, or cook it.
  
• It's a little presumptuous of you to ask me how I'll raise my children.
• Yes, those jokes about me ordering the 4lb hamburger are still very funny and original.

At home, this is such a non-issue that people who know me very well (ahem, Mom!) still occasionally forget. Here, it's a completely different story, and there's sometimes a big fuss over what should we order for WCBF, like I'm not sitting right there. Really, I am so easily pleased, you have no idea. Just give me something green or soy-based and I'm thrilled. Because nearly all restaurants serve "family style," this does often come up when trying to decide what to order, which is complicated enough within itself if you do it right. There are all kinds of rules in having a well "balanced" meal, which I'll clue you in on once I figure them out for myself. All that's too difficult for those of us with embarrassingly bad Chinese, so we usually go for a game of zhege instead, which is an easy game that requires very little Chinese. The rules are simple: When the waitress comes, say "zhege" (or "this") point to the menu, and look up at her. Then the food comes and you see what terrible thing you ordered. Everyone wins!

Ordering regular style can be fun, too.

"We'd like the greenbeans with peanuts. I am a vegetarian, so I do not eat meat (you have to be this explicit because otherwise they won't take the question seriously). Is there meat in this dish?"
"No, no meat."
"No fish?"
"No fish."
"No crab or lobster?"
"No crab or lobster."
"No cow?"
"No cow."
"No pig?"
"oh, well yes, there is pig.."

To whom it may concern,

Please excuse WCBF from school and all extracurricular activities, on account of the fact that she may be a carrier for some freakish eye disease. And because I would scare small children.
Sincerely,
WCBF's eyelid

ps Don't you worry 'bout a thing... I basically brought an entire western pharmacy with me, so I have appropriate eyedrops (I think), and thanks to modern technology could email my doctor. Assuming the eyedrops work, guess who's under quarantine for the next few days!

pps Even if I wasn't under quarantine, we all know that there's no way in haaaaaayll I would leave the house like this.

ppps Of COURSE I took pictures.

Down by the bay

Paula and I spent most of Saturday at Golden Pebble Beach. It took us about 2 hours to get there, because we had to find the train station and then spent a good while looking for the bus we were told to take, but it turns out it's actually a local train, and meanwhile people are chasing after us, tugging on our clothes, yelling "Xi'an? Shanghai? This bus go to Beijing! Beijing very nice! You want to go? Good price!" As if I had showed up at the train station without a clue of where I wanted to go and this decision, which would alter the fate of Chinese bus companies everywhere, would be based on who shouted closest to my ear.

Anyway.

Once we arrived, it all seemed worthwhile. It was a beautiful day, and with the sun shining and highs near 30 (what up, Celsius?), I was curious to see how the Chinese would react to all that sunshine. In American stores, beauty creams claim to make our skin younger. In China, the goal is for skin to be *whiter*. So in the summer, do they just slather on lots of sunscreen?

No.

Sunscreen is, apparently, a last resort, coming in 3rd after clothing and umbrellas.

Notice here that 1 person is wearing a swimsuit, thereby proving that it is not too cold to be doing something so kRaZy. I seriously saw more women walking in the sand in (ugly) heels than in swimsuits. And what about swimming in the ocean? Is the water too dirty? THEN do they wear swimsuits?

No.

They do this instead:

so. unappealing.

Because who wants to go the beach and get wet? Ew, I mean, seriously.

Also, everyone sits in line, much more so than in the US or Europe.

It like they're watching a movie, but it's... the OCEAN.

And fisherman boats.

I LOVE the fisherman boats.

Hello Dali!(an)

I wrote this entry TWICE already, but thanks to the awesome combination of my s-l-o-w internet that makes me want to kill myself and China internet in general, it disappeared. So, here we go again.

Paula asked me a few days ago if I'd like to go to Dalian with her, which was great since I've been getting a little antsy here. Paula is a [slightly] older American here, originally from my home state (like everyone else is). We don't have too much in common, but she's someone to do things with and has good travel stories to tell. Really, I'm so jealous of many of her adventures, but at the same time, I think her life must be a bit lonely. She doesn't have much family in the US, and people here are only interested in getting to know the young and impressionable foreigners (such as yours truly). Anyway, Paula's very pleasant, and we seem to get along quite well.

We hopped on a plane this afternoon and before long were in what seemed to be a completely different China. For those of you too lazy to click the link above, Dalian is in the north eastern part of China, and the area has changed hands a few times over the past 200 years (China, England, China, Russia, Japan, Russia, China/Russia, China, in that order). This, and the close proximity to Russia, Japan, and Korea make the city feel much more international than Jinan, even though it's a bit smaller. And what a lovely city! When we arrived, there was an actual, functioning taxi stand, and the cabbie didn't try to charge us a ridiculous amount! Then we got to our hotel, which was huge and old and looked EUROPEAN! And all through the city were areas of GRASS! And TREES! and get this... it was CLEAN! The air was clean, the streets were clean, and it wasn't nearly as crowded as I thought it would be, on account of the holiday. There's not much to do in the city other than take in the ambiance, so that's what we did.

Also, there was Starbucks. Thank you Jesus.

This is "Friendship Square" or, as we call it in America, "Epcot."

Our hotel (pictured up top) was also on one of a few "squares" in town. What my pictures don't reveal too well is that these squares are actually circles. Of course squares are round in China.

Yes, scorpions "count" as meat, yes, I am still a vegetarian.
Had to pass up bugs on a stick.

Here's a traditional(ish) band playing near our hotel. I tried to take a picture of the flute player who was simultaneously performing and smoking a cigarette, but you'll just have to imagine that one. They kept asking us to sing, and though that would have made a good story, I do not know any Chinese songs and I'm guessing they know very few English ones. Also, because Chinese singing... hurts my ears, I didn't know if the same was true for the reverse.

Dalian lit up at night, more so than Jinan or Beijing (my only two cities to compare it to). Quite a sight, though I still can't decide if it's pretty or heinously tacky.

Off to the beach tomorrow!

When I rock the mic I rock the mic (right.)

Checked 2 more places off the list of "must sees" in Jinan this evening. It's funny how different things are when we don't have to teach or show up for class at 8 in the morning! First stop was WeiWei's, which isn't terribly unique, but a lot of foreigner teachers usually go there on nights that I teach. Because I'm still remotely concerned about my coolness level (but really, what's the point), I didn't take any pictures, though a proper description of WeiWei's really demands it. The "restaurant" is located at an intersection of a few wide alleyways, with similar "restaurants" along the roadside, all full of people. WeiWei is this little old man who works shirtless most of the time, cooking made-to-order beef and sardine kebabs (?). I had bread. This is no King Wok, people! The restaurant is essentially tables and chairs on the sidewalk outside of a building, with maybe one table inside. A long thin grill runs between the tables and the street, and this is where WeiWei works his magic. He seems to enjoy the foreigners, or at least the attention he gets from them.

Long long ago someone decided to give WeiWei an English lesson. Not exactly a nice lesson. He only knows how to say things that even the Brits find crass, words that I leave out of my vocabulary, and he enjoys shouting English at passers-by as the western audience cheers him on and his wife leans on the door frame, shaking her head disapprovingly before running empty pitchers to the Gatorade cooler of beer for refills. I was told if he likes you, he'll show you the pictures of the naked girls on his cell phone, and sure enough... well... you could say we're friends now.

Oh, I did take 1 picture. The worst bathroom (god, hopefully) in China. Have you ever seen Trainspotting? It pretty much looked like that. Oh, and there basically was no door, but someone stood outside and told people not to come in. Forgive me, but I have to share. Allow me to present, the bathroom at WeiWei's:

This should be on the front of a China guide book.
Someone write Lonely Planet.

Afterwards, we headed over to The Pyramid Bar, where my neighbor Harmony was DJing. One of the other DJs gave me the mic to let loose, ya'llz!! But I didn't have much to say. I gotsta work on my free stylin'. Oh, and there was dancing involved. At home I have learned (and been told, repeatedly) that I am much better at standing there, casually posing than I am at dancing. In China, though, I'm the best! Seriously you guys, come to China, and you will discover how perfect you really are. 3 people asked me to teach them how to dance, though I declined. I also declined multiple invitations for lunch next week with this DJ from Cameroon, but eventually my disinterest was beaten out by his persistence and you know... the prospect of a free lunch.

A few pictures from Pyramid:

This is Diana. Everyone thinks she's Korean because she
doesn't use the local dialect and she hangs out with us.

yes.

I love to speak English!!

Tonight there was a get together at Kiwi Corner (Korner?), a foreigners' hangout a block or so from campus. Although one of the owners lives in my building, it was my first time there, as there's apparently a great divide between Kiwi Corner customers and Jenny's Cafe customers (the other foreign café in town), and my social circles tend to stick with Jenny's. Who knew.

I was able to meet some of the foreigners I don't know yet, which was nice. I also met the nicest prettiest Chinese girl ever and when I was told who her boyfriend was, I about cried. I don't understand these girls! This pretty, nice, friendly young woman who has a good job and seems very independent is dating a fellow American who I'd met previously. He's a bar tender, old!, short, unattractive, and I'm pretty sure he hit on me a few times... that evening. It's like they see FOREIGNER and are pretty much blind to anything else, both good and bad. I think this may be one of the reasons why I'm haven't made friends with many Chinese people yet. I meet people all the time, and they're all very friendly, but the whole thing seems unnaturally shallow. No matter how I may try to steer a conversation, it almost always goes back to these rehearsed questions that they've been told to ask foreigners, even if this is the 3rd or 4th time I'm meeting someone (if one more person asks me if I like Chinese food, I swear to god...). Often my responses are interrupted with the next unrelated question, and when the person has finished rattling these off, the inquisitor walks off very satisfied that they have had a conversation with a foreigner today. I know that this is "just" because of the language barrier and cultural differences. Formal questions are the proper protocol, and to skip past them is rude, forward, and abrasive, but it's a fairly safe generalization to say that the Chinese continue to baffle me.

So anyway, the most important part of the evening was when I got a free t-shirt. This may be the most awesome t-shirt ever ever. Observe:

Front

Back

Josh also got one. He's been in China for too long, evident by the fact that the Peace Sign Picture Pose is now involuntary. He's going back to the states in June and plans on checking into rehab immediately.

The amazing thing about these shirts is this: I get requests for English lessons basically constantly. Hello! You English teacher? Perhaps you can be my English teacher? No? Is there other teacher you know? I get phone calls from people I don't know, asking random questions about English, and I get stopped on campus by strangers who ask me to edit their papers. The idea that I may want to ADVERTISE the fact that I love to speak English! (apparently) is so far from reality, it's truly hilarious. In fact, if it said I love to speak Magyar!, you would not have to give these shirts away, because I would buy one. I don't think there's much of a demand for Magyar these days.

I do not know what the Enghish Home is, but thanks for the shirt.

(I know I basically said "I have no Chinese friends" and "I wish they would leave me alone!" Just trust me, there's little potential for overlap thus far)

You want buy, yes?

I spent the late afternoon exploring areas of Jinan I haven't seen yet. We went shopping in one of the typical places around town. In China, most stores are either teeeeeny tiny or are giant warehouses with booths and stands that spill out onto the street. We stuck with the latter. These places are filled with clothes, jewelry, tupperware, sink faucets, whatever. Although I could probably find just about anything there, not much of it was too my liking. Seriously, you would not believe the amount of ugly they can squeeze into China. Ugly plastic crap that sellers hold up in attempts to lure you into their booth. Oooh, you want this? I know you do! And it's like, no actually, I do not need plastic flip-flops with giant Hello Kitty heads on them, and thanks anyway, but I'm going to pass on the bright pink jumper pair of overalls awesomely indescribable article of clothing. Tragically I didn't buy anything.

Afterwards we took a nice walk below the busy streets and along the river that goes through town. I took a few pictures along the way.

These ladies are booked, like, months in advance.


To counteract the little emperor affect, parents are raising children in pens until their 16th birthday.

Eventually we found ourselves near one of Jinan's springs. Although still the city's claim to fame, they're not exactly what they used to be.

There's a spring in the little cave and the water empties out here. Everyone was crowding around the mouth of the cave, pointing to the water and remarking on how clean it was.