Chicken Soup for the Chinese Soul

**Warning: Cheese and rambling ahead**

I didn't really have anything to give my students a final exam on. We had done work throughout the semester, but most of the "English" lessons were really lessons on something else, improving our English as we went along. Instead I decided to have short 1-on-1 meetings with my students to discuss what they learned and enjoyed from the class. It would also be a way for me to get feedback without having to read 30 surveys with such helpful comments as "more movies!" etc.

Most of my students did quite well. They understood the concepts I had tried to teach them, even though some of the ideas were deep and analytical, requiring my students to think, which as we all know, the Chinese aren't big on. Everyone said that they weren't too keen on my class at 1st (and neither was I, if you'll recall), but that ultimately, they really got a lot out of it. It was funny, the students who didn't really "get it" suggested that next year I use more games, and the students who "got it" said the games were the most boring part of the semester. The majority of the class was of the latter mindset. A few even told me they'd like to talk with me about these topics further, and nearly all of them asked if I could be there teacher next year. As a teacher, knowing that my students a) learned and b) want me back, this was pretty much the best response I could have gotten.

And then there was David. David had only been able to attend the first day of class because of another class that he was taking at the same time. How is this possible or acceptable? Yeah, idk, but I'm still expected to test and pass him. As I've said before, I'm not one for mandatory attendance, but this was not a history lecture, this was oral English. How is he expected to improve his oral English, and how am I supposed to test him on his improvement, if he is EXPECTED by the administration of the university to not show up to my class?

David was not the only student like this; I had 3 or 4, but most other students had at least sent me an email or 2, which suggested they had at least spoken to their classmates about what was going on. David hadn't, and he knew it. Which is why he showed up with a giant piece of butcher paper with verticle Chinese caligraphy, hand painted himself, which sung of mountains and trees and beauty and wisdom (or something. That's pretty much every piece of Chinese poetry is about, no joke). Although I had walked into this interview with a negative attitude, this of course improved things. So, I began his interview with a series of Thank you's and a smile.

"So, let's begin. I know you were unable to attend class this term, but I'd still like to hear your thoughts, what you learned, what you thought was most significant, etc."

"Well, to tell you the truth, I hate English. I hate America." My grin turned into a scowl faster than you can say Chinese Communist Party.

"Well maybe if you had showed up for class, like, once, you would know that not only is that incredibly judgmental, but not even what we talked about in class. It's clear you never once paid attention to the readings and homework assignments (that you didn't do, btw), as I made it clear that my focus was not teaching you the superior ways of America, but was each culture is different, including the way we use the language, so therefore, intercultural communication is far more complex than words and grammar. You're an idiot and have given me no reason not to fail you right here."

Juuuust kidding. In reality, my face froze as I calmly said, "Well... why do you say that?" He was my last interview of the evening, so I took my time with him. What transpired was a conversation that lasted over an hour, delving into David's misconceptions of America, as well as his concerns and fears he had for his own country. Ok, so the kid was kind of emo, but it was refreshing to hear an honest, at least somewhat unique, voice coming from this young Chinese man.

He didn't like America because it was violent. All the movies portray America as a violent, shameless place, and this must be somewhat true, as real life events (shooting at Virginia Tech, invasion of Iraq) prove that America quickly skips over any intellectual alternatives and turns straight to violence as the solution to everything. What was America really like, he asked, and how can the people of China possibly understand the real daily lives of Americans if all they see is a quick-triggered, God-fearing, cowboy president (his view, not mine)? Without a continuous open dialogue between people like the two of us, David failed to see how we could possibly ever understand eachother.

I was careful with my response. I'm always honest with my students, but I try to put things delicately. I asked if he was familiar with the "...walk a mile in his shoes" concept. I told him that this semester we talked about culture, that it was like an iceberg, and that talking about food and music of America really only scratches the surface. Instead of teaching my students about the culture specifically, I focused on teaching them how to perceive a culture. How we should try to look at cross-cultural situations objectively, realizing that culture can cause all sorts of unintentional conflicts.

I reminded David that there are good things and bad things about every culture, and that what he sees is not always an accurate depiction of America. I understand how difficult it is to differentiate, just as it's difficult for most Americans to think of China as anything other than what America see of China in movies and on the news: crowded, polluted, and communist, product recalls and child labor, the Great Wall of China, and sake, sushi, and Geisha girls (oh, are those Japanese? same thing). I asked David if Chinese movies showed the "real" China. Of course not, he said. I told him about the recent headlines China was making overseas. Do these give Americans a solid understanding of "real" Chinese people? No. Same thing for the US.

David asked if I'd seen the "real" China yet. I said I hoped I had. Certainly more than my peers in the states, and I like to think that I've had some moments here that have revealed to me a tiny peak of "real" China. David said I'd never see the real China in Jinan. The people in Jinan, he said, they're the lucky ones. They don't live in a tiny village, and they don't have to worry about dying from polluted water or having their homes razed by the government. That was the real China, he said. I told you, the kid was emo, but I was happy to listen to what he had to say. He spoke as if he had only recently discovered that alternatives to the Chinese way of life existed and was now questioning his own beliefs. He said he felt betrayed by his country and saw only the negative aspects of his world. I told him it was good to acknowledge the negative, that making progress in the world is impossible without recognizing the problems that exist, but that it was so much better for him, and for the people he sympathized with, that he also recognize the positive, and consider means by which we could begin to improve things.

So many people in China are starving, barely surviving, he said. How can they improve their lives, when they don't have the opportunity to think beyond their next meal? The only people who have time to worry about bigger issues are the ones who end up with all the money, anyway.

I've spent a lot of time over the past semester attempting to discover the secret ingredient, what it is exactly that makes things in China so inherently different from home, and I often overlook something very basic. "Forgive the doe-eyed idealism," I told David, "but I really think that in China and in the US, we all just want to do the best we can. We want to put food on our table and offer a better life for our kids than we had." I certainly don't put forth my best effort every day, but I'm here in China to improve myself. I want the opportunity to celebrate the positive and analyze the negative in myself and the world. I told David not to give up hope on the world quite yet, and that I'd be happy to listen if he wanted to talk again.

I hung up the caligraphy David had made me. I'm not quite sure what it says exactly, but it reminds me of the conversation we had, and I'm sure whichever quote from Confucius (or whoever) it is, it couldn't be much better than that.

I love technology

I get a few podcasts for free, including Best Week Ever and NBC Nightly News. With my mind-numbingly slow (and free!) internet, it would seriously take 8 hours to download the half hour news program. More importantly, my slow internet was preventing me from keeping in touch with people at home as much as I wanted to, so it had to G-O go. (Old internet speed, download @ 8.98 kbps, upload @ 9.48 kbps)

Soooo, I gave in and paid for cable internet, which was of course as complicated as possible and took a total of 3 days. I tried to get the infamous Foreigners' Internet, which I know exists because Paula has it. With Foreigners' Internet, nothing's blocked! I asked someone in the international office who deals with all the foreign teachers and our living arrangements.

"What is the difference?" they asked.
"Well, some pages that I can see in America, I can't see here. I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT WOULD BE, but with Foreigner's Internet, I can view those pages."
"Why do you want to see that kind of web page?"

So now they think I'm trying to watch kiddie porn, not just read the BBC or go to one of the various .gov sites that's blocked [Sidebar: Let's be honest, China. More often than not, the blocked page I want to see is a celebrity gossip blog. If I'm trying to access a page about your juicy secrets, the only reason why I want to view it is because they're blocked, and I want to find out what all the hullabaloo is about so I can decide whether or not to judge you]. Despite the fact that I know it exists, I have seen it with my own eyes, I was told repeatedly that Foreigners' Internet doesn't exist, by various people, including the internet company. A bit pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

So some of the web is still blocked (have I mentioned this? Did you know that some websites are blocked in China?), but now I can get around it much faster.

Other things that I can now do with my faster internet:

• Video Chat, provided your internet is decent, and you have 20 minutes to spare, most of which will be spent typing "Why isn't this working" "I don't know, try again." to eachother.

• Slingbox This thing is amazing!! My dad set it up before I left, but because of my slow internet, I wasn't able to use it. I have software on my computer that connects online to the Slingbox which is sitting at my parent's house, attached to their TiVo, allowing me to watch their tv from my computer! I have a remote on my screen and then a window for the "television," so I can use it almost as easily as using a regular tv at home. I wish: Two people could control the TiVo at the same time, allowing my mom and I to watch different things while using the same system. With the 12 hour time difference, it hasn't been a problem yet. I also wish I could download from TiVo to my computer so I wouldn't have to be connected to the internet to watch. Also, the TiVo is set up for local and movie channels, no Bravo, Vh1, or other cable channels, but that's just because of the plan my parents have. But, Hello!: It's American TV whenever I want! And since it's TiVo, I can set shows to record and watch them later, ie, during Chinese waking hours. Random: It's very weird watching local news while sitting in China. It's also weird to see America money. How strange is that? Someone showed me a US dollar bill that they had in their wallet, and I couldn't stop giggling about how weird it looked, and how weird it is that I thought it looked weird, etc weirdⁿ

• Skype. Skype used to be pretty much the same thing as AIM or MSN Messenger-- you can talk to people online via text, with just audio, or audio/video. But Skype has since become this really amazing thing, mostly because it allows me to call people's phones from my computers for like, 2¢ a minute. And, AND, it allows you to buy a local number, which means people can call that number from their phone at home, just as if they're calling me from down the street, and it calls Skype account. I think I can set up call forwarding to send it to my cell, but that's probably another feature I have to pay for.
  

In other technology related news, my air conditioner manages to make my apartment hotter than it is outside (no exaggeration). It's not like it's SO hot here, but it's hot. I think it got up to 95F or so today, but it doesn't cool off at night. For instance, according to weather.com it's 87F at 11pm, so no, if you were wondering, I'm not sleeping that great these days. I'm considering moving to the floor, where I'd expect it's a bit cooler. Also, my spacebar seems to not be working,which made writing this very irritating.

Sometimes I doubt your commitment to sparkle motion

My [Chinese!] friend Sean will be going back to the UK to study in the next few weeks. Technically, he was originally Josh and Brad's Chinese Friend, though. Each foreigner is entitled to his or her very own Chinese Friend. If a foreigner should claim someone as His or Her Chinese Friend, he or she has effectively called "dibs," and no other foreigner may claim said Chinese Friend as his or her own. It's in the rule book. Seriously, most people have their one Chinese friend, and people ask you if you "have a Chinese friend." It's like a requirement. So he's not technically My Chinese Friend, but we became friends, regardless of ancestry or heritage, and I'll be sad to see him go. It was Sean who brought us our semi-weekly dance parties so it was only appropriate that we hold one last dance party for him before he left. I'm sure the host was excited that his party was so well attended, but he was quickly disappointed when he realized that 90% of the attendees were there to celebrate with Sean, not to ChaCha. The host is probably 50, German, here alone, and not exactly here to find a Chinese wife. Truth be told, he's a bit socially awkward, and the dancing could be a good way for him to make friends. Just... not with me. He's perfectly nice but not someone I would really enjoy spending a lot of time with.

"Isn't this great? You've never had so many people come before!" I said to him. "Yes well, I am afraid that they will not come again, they are only here for Sean," he replied. I mean, what was I supposed to say to that? If Chinese people think we Americans speak too directly, they have clearly never met a German.

There was a young woman from the UK who is teaching in Jinan, and she's loud and hilarious and likes to have a good time, I'm quite sure, seeing as she didn't remember meeting me last time. We exchanged names (again), she asked where I was from in the US (again), and I told her (again), and then she says, "Ooh, isn't that the one they named the musical after? You know, Ooooo... how's it go?" Which is funny in its own right but even more amusing since she said almost the exact same thing, verbatim, last time we met.

After the dancing came to an end, most of us went to Park, a disco not far from here. The best part of the place is the entrance, which is near the Botanical Gardens, and you have to walk through the trees on this long sidewalk before finding your way to the doors. Once we entered, we decided that a party of 15 justified buying a bottle, rather than each of us paying for a drink or two. We found our way to our Mid-Eastern themed semi-private cabana in the corner of the club and waited a bit before giving up on table service and heading to the infamous moving floor for some dancing. AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER, drinks were served. Here is something you perhaps don't know about me: if I order a drink at a bar, I want it right now, and I want it ice cold, and if I don't have it right now, I want to know what the hell is taking so long. So an hour and a half had me (and the rest of the party) quite in a tizzy.

Foreigners arguing with the bar staff. I have never been to a country where they make it so difficult for you to buy things from them.

But all was resolved and I soon made a new friend. Allow me to introduce Calvin. Yes, as in Klein. He would only let me photo is profile:

Ok, I do not go looking for this kind of thing, but it's undeniable. Regardless of the environment, country, or my own attitude, I only manage to attract one kind of man. The ones that sparkle.

Month 4

My 4 month mark in China brought higher highs and lower lows than my 1st 2 months here. I found myself pleasantly surprised when things felt normal, though by normal I mean not Chinese, perhaps even Western-like. My Chinese is improving, though dreadfully slowly. I ended up being pretty dissatisfied with the class I was taking. It was taught like a typical Chinese class. Rather than being taught how to use the language, I felt like I was just being taught the textbook.
For instance, here's how we'd spend a morning:

8:00 - 8:05 Getting settled, open your textbooks to page blablabla
8:05 - 8:10 Teacher reads the chapter's opening dialogue
8:10 - 8:15 Teacher reads dialogue with the class: She is Person A, Class is Person B
8:15 - 8:20 Teacher reads dialogue with the class: She is Person B, Class is Person A
8:20 - 8:25 Class reads the dialogue silently to themselves, teacher writes dialogue on board.
8:25 - 8:27 Teacher has left certain words out of the dialogue when she wrote it on the board. Class says the dialogue aloud in unison, filling in the words the teacher has omitted.
8:27 -8:35 Class reads the dialogue in pairs
8:35 - 8:50 Teacher tells the class to close their textbooks and recite the dialogue
8:50 - 9:00 Break

It's quite difficult to get up knowing that that's what your morning has in store for you. For me, the dialogue was rarely something I was likely to repeat in every day life. "Hi Mary. Do you like dumplings?" "Yes, I like dumplings very much" "Teacher, do you like dumplings?" "Yes, I like dumplings a lot, too." "We all like dumplings! How many dumplings can you eat?" etc etc. Sure, anything is a step up from my Mandarin skills, but I had hoped that the basic level Chinese would be taught more like Survival Chinese. Instead, the outside world was completely disassociated, and they never put the two together: that we were foreigners in the middle of China with no language experience, and maybe teaching us more necessary things would have been more helpful. I found that I "learned" more when I stayed home from class. I say "learned" because obviously it's more beneficial for me to sit there, listening to everyone speak Chinese for 4 hours than for me to sit at home in my room, rewriting characters. But as far as the class was concerned, the only thing that mattered was that I memorized this dialogue, and that I can do much faster by sitting at home. I like to think that the more advanced levels, once we've built some vocabulary, are more beneficial, but only time will tell (provided I have the patience to continue attending class).

It's definitely difficult to stay motivated. I'm usually a pretty self-motivated person, but here, it's easy to get lost. Noone cares if I teach well or if I don't, noone cares if I learn Chinese or if I don't... woe is me. I know that sounds like a bit of a sob story, which it is, to a degree. I try to look at it as something I'm eager to overcome, not something that's holding me back (although it certainly does that at times). It's just... difficult to feel a sense of accomplishment. Maybe I'm alone on that one, though, because noone else seems to mind. Or maybe I'm different from most people who come here. I don't think I'm a teacher. I'm not bad at it, and I actually think I'm better than a lot of other people are who go abroad to teach, but that's more because I like to do a good job at things, not because I'm a born teacher. I want to do well, but I see teaching as a way to make money, not my life's work.

I see the other foreigners here, and so few are like me. There are more older people than I'd expect, people who have retired from teaching and found this as an exciting thing to do for 6 months or so. There are a lot of Christians and Mormons. Among the young people who are here, most are in their late twenties with a few in their early thirties. So many seem to be lost, wandering aimlessly. Maybe they're here for a year, or maybe longer, we'll see how it goes. But they kind of... ok: you can wander for a purpose, or you can wander because it's easier than making the decision to do something else, and I can see how Jinan could be like Brigadoon. Life is slow and the locals will never get tired of you, and as a native English speaker, you'll never go homeless or hungry. It would be easy to get lost here, doing the same thing day in and day out for years, never actually doing something-- my perception of "something" at least. A lot of people here seem unmotivated, just teaching, drinking, eating, to pass the time. If for no other reason, I want to keep up with my Chinese classes as a way to meet the foreign students here. They have a spark, a reason for being here, a plan for what they want to do when they grow up. I've definitely met some cool people over the past 4 months, and I'm eager to meet more with the new flock of teachers and students in September. It's shitty of me to judge other people, especially hypocritical when they're here doing the same thing I am, and I'm not really judging them, actually, I'm just acknowledging that a lot of them are different than I am. I would love it if they proved me wrong.

(that was so Dear Diary.)

and now for something completely different

I know, I've written more than usual about teaching lately. There's not much else going on. I may teach an intensive English course in July with a Chinese woman, though they originally wanted 2 foreigners. Why do they have to settle for "just" me (hmmpf!)? Because in a week, I'll be the only foreign teacher at my university. Things have been pretty quiet here to say the least, and the smallest things thrill me. I was pitifully elated when I bought eggs and lightbulbs at the grocery store, and they all made it home without breaking. Go me!

I have your mobile number?

When I worked in America, I once asked someone for their cellphone number (it was relevant and sort of necessary). She responded, "Oh, haha, I don't get paid enough to give that out." As Americans, we relish our privacy. Maybe that's why reality voyeur television is so popular; getting to see people's private lives is so uncommon, we eat it up when it's offered. I see where she's coming from, I guess. I give my number to one person here at work, and before I know it, all of China is calling me. In China, there's no such thing as privacy, or a personal life outside of your professional life. It's totally normal for a shop keeper to exchange numbers with a customer looking for a certain product, and it's totally rude to not answer your cell phone each and every time a number, unknown or familiar, shows up on caller ID. Yeah sure, that's what we're supposed to do in America, but in China this means a work colleague can and will call you on a Saturday morning, a student will call after midnight. In a meeting? answer your phone. Teaching a class? answer your phone. Essentially, you're supposed to be available to everyone at all times.

So I tell people I don't have a cell phone.

The person who set up my English class for the engineering students was quite disheartened to here the news. And by disheartened, I mean he shook his head yes and smiled. Then he said, "Perhaps we could purchase a mobile phone for you." Before I had the chance to decide if it would be immoral for me to accept said phone, he continued, "Then, we can call you anytime! With questions! Then we can call you!" I realized that a free upgrade from my what's the cheapest one here cell phone would not be worth the headache it would cause. Of course I'm friendly. Of course I want to help where and when I can, and maybe eventually I'll give in and give them my number, but for now I said that was too much trouble. If they have my number, they'll call me, and then I'll have to answer, and then I'll have to drop whatever I'm doing. I'm pretty sure they won't call just to say hi.

I was supposed to teach my lovely engineering students this afternoon. I came into the classroom, set up the projector and my laptop, and sat down, waiting for the students to file in. Only 1 came.

"Hello! How are you? Yes, I need to tell you, we will not have class today. All of us are very busy because there is a visit from a Taiwanese university. Andy wanted to call you, but he only has your home number."
"Did he call me? I was home all morning."
"No, I don't think so."
"Well, please tell him next time to email me."
"Ah yes, email. That is the best way to contact you."

See? So it's not new information that they should just email me. I interpreted this as a very passive aggressive, "Get a cellphone, bitch!" But I hope they meant something else. Maybe he didn't want to bother me by calling me at home? Not that anyone else has held back before. And why the refusal to email? I would think they'd like that better, as written English is easier than spoken English, and everyone sits in front of the computer all day. I kind of think it's like America 15 years ago, when email was more of a novelty, not a legitimate form of communication.

If people are annoyed that I don't have a cellphone, they can rest assured that the feeling's mutual.

Doing Culture 2

Last Friday's English class was possibly the best I've had yet, but I've started to question how things were going. I talked a LOT this semester about high/low context languages and high/low contact cultures. Was I moving forward enough while reinforcing information, or did my students feel like I was teaching them the same thing over and over again? Tonight would be my last class, as I'm giving exams on Friday, and I really wanted to end looking towards their future. How will they be able to use what I've taught them when they go abroad to teach?

I started off with showing them Geert Hofstede's Cultural Dimensions Analysis. I recommend checking it out for anyone interested in cultural understanding and comparison. The study gives countries a score based on power disparity (hierarchy or equality), individualism (focus on the self or the collective whole), gender disparity (not "equality" as we see it exactly, more like, there's a clearly defined role for women and role for men vs. women and men filling the same role), uncertainty avoidance, and tendency to hold traditional cultural values vs. the reality of today as more important. I think it's interesting that the evidence of these differences can be seen in the large cultural landscape as well as day-to-day interactions and activities. Pretty cool. Here's a look at the US compared to China:

This gave my students a clearer understanding of what we have been looking at; examining culture as something other than traditions and holidays, but as something with much deeper roots that affects essentially everything we do. Most of them got into it, a few were bored to tears... but only 2 or 3.

After that, we moved on to translating... loosely. Translating from English to Chinese or vice-versa is much more like interpreting a painting or poem than it is actually translating word for word. The way the language is used is so different, a verbatim translation is often not only ineffective, but just plain unclear. Rather, it's much more effective to interpret, not translate, or risk ending up in the infamous Chinglish land.

A friend of mine was asked to do a voice-over for a Chinese company looking to market to the west. It's a good company clearly run by intelligent people, spanning across China and reaching as far as Dubai, but the text for the voice-over was laughable... as well as being good material for my class! Here are a few highlights for your learning pleasure.

In China, nature is used frequently for an effective metaphor not only in literature but also in the media and every day conversation. Which is why it makes sense to use a phrase like, "Company X flies in the sky freely as an eagle with years of effort. Company X dives in the ocean freely as a fish with years of aspiration." but not so much in English.

"Company XYZ has accomplished its passionate span from start to finish, from a small workshop to big enterprise with famous brand, from a little boat to big aircraft carrier." Ok, I obviously understand this. Little and weak to big and strong. Not until my students giggled an explanation did I learn this was another moment of glorious Chinglish. Much like a Chinese person would clearly understand what "I have a dream" means, the cultural reference is completely lost, and they miss out on the real meaning of what is being said (actually, they know this one, but you know what I mean). Apparently the tugboat phrase is used a lot and hints at a much larger reference.

And my favorite: Class, remember when you talk to a native English speaker, you "show" rather than "tell" us about your English skills. For instance, if the logo of Company XYZ includes a fin, you do not need to explain, "The English word 'fin' (a membranous appendage extending from the body of a fish or other aquatic animal, used for propelling, steering or balancing the body in water)..." because I know what a fin is. I speak English.

In China, many people often include historical passages and figures in writing and speaking (hello, look at LTO in the graph above). While quoting historians is a favorite past time of American intellectuals just like their Chinese counterparts, it's not really utilized in the same degree as it is here. Which is why it sounds a bit strange in English for a company to open their marketing materials with "In the spring city Jinan, which is famous for Confucius and Mencius and is described in the poem, 'Lotus on four sides and willows on three, Mountains outside and a lake within,' there springs up a new star of the XYZ manufacturing industry." In Chinese this is great. Quoting the famous poem quickly gives the reader a reference of something beautiful, historical, blablabla, but westerners don't know the poem, so it loses it's meaning. Also notice the continued emphasis on nature.

(Sidebar: if they like nature so much, why are they kiiiilllliiiing it with their toxic rivers?)

My students loved this! It was a great example of many of the influential cultural factors and helps explain that there's much more to effective communicating than knowing the vocabulary and grammar. This is why understanding intercultural communication is important! This is why my class wasn't a waste of your time!

2 awesome classes in a row, which pretty much guarantees that the final I'm giving on Friday will suck.

Whoever is responsible should be canonized or venerated or beatified or something

because on this day (s)he has created a miracle.

LOOK WHAT I CAN ACCESS NOW!!!!!!!11!1
Unless I try to view this page, this page, or this page. Natch.

... though flickr is blocked, and blogger is still inaccessible (though obviously, not entirely).

If I were in control of China's censorship, though, the first pages I would block would be those like this one, which are totally viewable. No? Isn't that just common sense? The whole thing was put in place just to be a pain in the ass, I'm sure of it.

the cheese stands alone

The foreigners are dropping like flies here. Out of my posse from this spring, I'm quickly going to be the only one left. Last night we held another goodbye celebration by going out to my favorite restaurant in town, a Buddhist vegetarian place. Mostly Europeans and a couple Americans. We played a rousing game of zhege. Americans picked from page 1 of the menu, French got page 2, Spaniards page 3, and so on. The goal of the game (besides, you know, to order dinner) is to look as clueless as possible while pointing at the menu and looking up at the waitress. It's the little things that entertain us over here.

Afterwards we wanted to find somewhere outside to sit around and have a beer, so on a rarely beautiful night, this little pack of westerners wandered aimlessly through the streets in search of a café or biergarten. Tragically, besides the little grill places on each corner that shut down around 11 (chuanr), there's no such thing as outdoor seating in Jinan, so we decided to make do. Finding ourselves at a deserted shopping square, 1 person ran to a convenience store, another to a newsstand, and the rest of us headed to a set of cement stairs (the convenience store for beer, and the newspaper, of course, was layed across the steps so we could actually sit down). You know, I love a posh bar and trendy -tini, but nothing beats a stoop and good conversation on a summer night. It was fun. It felt really normal.

Open letter to the construction workers next door

Dear Sirs:

Let me start off by saying that you work really hard, probably harder than most people do here. And your living arrangements are less than ideal (buildings on the left), and I'm sure your life isn't easy. You've made a lot of progress on the building next to mine in the months I've been here!

That being said, I have a few constructive criticisms. I understand that you prefer to leave the lights *on* during the night hours, though noone's inside, and I must say it's probably not decreasing the environmental problems here.
Also, perhaps it's because of the heat, but maybe you could consider doing the quiet, indoor jobs at night, and the loud, outdoor jobs (cement truck mixers, bulldozers, etc) during the day...? Evening's fine too. 3 am, though, is a little less than ideal, don't you think?

Thirdly, it'd be really awesome if you could stop messing with my water. Yeah, I know, it's probably not your fault, but you're the nearest construction, so I'm blaming you. In the good ol' days of April and May, my water was turned off 1 time a week. Lately, though, it's been on the rise, and it's been off for hours at a time for the last 4 days. Yesterday, it was basically off all day. There was a rumor that it was turned on for about an hour during the afternoon, but I wasn't home then, so my cuppeth continued to run dry. I really appreciate the 1 and only time we were notified that the water was going to be turned off, except then it wasn't turned off after all. I loved that day.

Sincerely,

WCBF

ps Keep up the good work! Check out your progress:

March

June

next time we're using a textbook

I know what would make my students happy, and I know how they want me to teach. I don't know much, but in my crash course as a teacher, I've learned that what I view as the best method of teaching English is pretty different than Chinese pedagogy.

My engineering students are so boring, I want to pull my hair out. They're all very nice and make me feel very welcome, but they just all sit there, smiling and nodding like bobbleheads. I taught them the phrase yes or no question. As in, "that was not a yes or no question." This phrase is relevant because I say it at least 5 times per class period, after I ask a question and all I get in response are bobbleheads.

Again, I was given very little background information, so I asked my students (PhD students and professors) what they would like to learn about. Big surprise here, American culture. We want to learn things: Why do Americans eat turkey to celebrate? What are the important cities? Where are they? What are the people like in that city? Seriously, how can I answer this question, What are the people like? I guess in New York they're loud and rude. In LA they're skinny and beautiful, but not really. Not everyone is like that, and I'm not keen on teaching generalizations. Even if I did want to teach them stereotypes, how would this be anything more than a 10 minute lecture that maybe leads into a lesson about how stereotypes are a bad thing, which isn't what they're interested in learning at all. So I stuck with "important cities."

I spent half a class period showing pictures of various cities, showing them on a map, and giving a few facts of each. I did this to get my students thinking about cities in America, but I then asked them to each go home and pick a city in the US, do a little research about the cities, and bring in this information for an activity this week. The idea being, I'm not that interested in lecturing about this stuff, so instead I'll have my students (inadvertently) do the work for me. I put this [very casual] assignment on the overhead, read it aloud and then went over it again, gave some easy, helpful English websites, asked if there were any questions, asked them some questions to be sure they understood, and dismissed class.

So this week, how many students did the assignment? 1 1/2. 1 student did the assignment, 1 brought in a city name but had no information about it. Which was awesome because then I had 2 hours in front of me with like, no applicable lesson plan. This isn't the first time I've encountered this kind of attitude. I'll teach the same group in the fall, and I'm giving up on such fruitless attempts at creative lessons. I'm gettin me a textbook.

People seem to think that because I'm a native English speaker, I hold some magical power that allows me to give them English. It's assumed that anyone from Europe or America can teach, and it's assumed we'll be "fun" but also teach a way that makes the students comfortable, ie the Chinese way. Which I don't do. I want to teach the students how to fish, they just want the fish. I tell my students I'll be teaching them the "American" way (sort of), and at first this sounds like a fun idea, but this can frequently make them uncomfortable. For instance, I play Scattergories with them. The class is broken into teams, and the team who can name the most adjectives that begin with the letter H in 30 seconds win that round. I think it's a pretty fun game, but they don't like it because of the time pressure and the fact that there isn't really a right or wrong answer. They would like it better if I gave them 20 adjectives that begin with the letter H in advance so they could memorize them and be prepared... which defeats the purpose of the game. They don't care if they learn, they just want to have the right answer. Who wants to relax and have fun when you can be a Bobblehead?

Doing Culture

At the beginning of the semester, when both I and my students were getting our bearings, shall we say, a fellow teacher lent me Doing Culture. The premise of the book is that we should attempt to "do" a new culture, rather than "understand" it on a more 2-dimensional level, and I found myself essentially using the book as an outline for my class. They all wanted me to teach them American culture, like turkey on Thanksgiving and parades on the 4th of July. Really, that's not going to help them when they go abroad. All of my students will travel to teach Chinese after graduation, so it'd be much more beneficial if I could teach them something about culture that would be actually practical, not just random facts about America. So, with doing in mind, I focused on macro concepts of culture (focus on the individual or collective, high value of hierarchy or all people treated equally regardless of age and status, change is good or bad, etc) and where China, and other countries, compare. Essentially, I wanted them to walk away with a basic understanding of how people of their own culture communicate and how it may differs from the way people in my culture, for instance, communicate. Though I can't teach them culture, I can help them prepare to better perceive a new culture, and help them understand how this could make them more effective teachers.

In Doing Culture, a series of scenarios described conflict in communication between, usually, a Chinese person and a westerner, which gave opportunity for us to discuss these different cultural behaviors and why they may cause conflict. Typically it had to do with pleasing someone (Chinese) vs. being more direct (westerner) or the different applications of formality (Chinese: formality shows how important you, as the guest, are; America: informality suggests a more intimate relationship among business partners and colleagues). The reception comparison I mentioned yesterday was also included.

I wouldn't have chosen to discuss these topics with my students had their English been weaker. The issues were complex, and I was asking them to look at their own language and culture in ways they perhaps hadn't before. It was a bit of a challenge. They weren't all at exactly the same level, but through repetition and writing everything on the overhead (my students find reading much easier than listening), eventually they all began to understand.

This week, however, was definitely the deepest yet. The topic was perception. We all use our senses to see, hear, feel our environment. We all see the same red flower in front of us, but what our minds do with this information is very different based on the cultures we come from. This can affect what we place significance on, and it consequently also changes the way we communicate effectively. Take, for instance, memorials in Washington DC. Typical memorials in America are just how we like them: big, clear, we look at it from a distance, we think wow Lincoln was a good president, the end. Now think of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, designed by Chinese-American architect Maya Lin. It was initially poorly received by Americans. It's not like the Washington Monument. Rather than flashing a camera from a distance, you're supposed to walk along the wall, get lost in it. It's more about an experience rather than just seeing a statue. Americans value communication from a distance, and they use visuals as their primary perception. While Chinese still use visuals as a primary perception, I think touch and experience is more significant, and they communicate on a much (literally and figuratively, I suppose) level. You can see that in the designs of the monuments themselves. But my students have never been to DC, so this was sort of lost on them.

I told them that in America we are quite sensitive to noise. Fireworks can not go off at 5am, people turn off their phones in the theater, and colleagues generally do not shout at each other. My students insisted, Yes here in China, too. They were obviously wrong, but they didn't understand because they've never tried to sleep in country much louder than their own.

Instead, and I stole this idea from Doing Culture, I showed these 2 paintings to my students and then asked them to list what they saw and tell me what each painting meant:
We all saw the same 3 women, the same fruit, but what they saw as "preparing for a big night at the restaurant," I saw as isolationism in the modern world.

Again, we all saw a mountain and some clouds. What I saw as "a scenic picture, perhaps the artist lives near this mountain," my students saw as "a fictional mountain, representing strength and balance." Even though we saw the same pictures, our perceptions of what each picture depicted, and what the focus was of each painting, differed. They totally understood, and they loved the fact that I encouraged them to disagree and come up with their own ideas. Although I've been pushing that angle since Day 1, this is the first time it was effective.

Class, as usual, ended with a standing ovation.

Welcome to our lovely school

Today I met with a student who's here for the summer from my American university. I'd love to have been able to help him with his transition to China, but, oh yeah, he's lived in China for 5 years and is fluent in Mandarin. So when we met for lunch, I found myself asking him questions much more than the opposite. He's here to examine the enforcement of environmental policy in China, among other things, and it's all pretty interesting. Because everything's perfect in China and we're all living in rainbow houses and the sun shines through cotton candy clouds, it's hard for change to happen. There's nothing wrong here, so why would we change anything? Also, it's hard to enforce the laws that are already established, because the people causing the most trouble, big companies, are also the most affluent and can distract their local law-enforcing party member with shiny moneys.

He and I are also toying around with the idea of holding an info session for local students interested in coming to the US for law school. Everyone wants to come to the US for school, no matter the field or degree, and law school is no exception.

Over lunch, I asked the student about his arrival to SDU, and his reception fell in line with what I've told my students when discussing intercultural commun. One's reception in a new country is indicative of the cultural differences, particularly in the US and in China. If you study abroad in the US, perhaps someone will come pick you up at the airport, or you'll receive directions on how to get to the school. Check-in at an office, they'll give you some paperwork and ask if you have any questions, and you're on your way.

In China, someone will be there to pick you up. They will introduce you to people and perhaps give you a brief tour. If you ask where to do such-and-such, the response will probably be, "Oh I can do that for you."

In the US, we're independent, we want paperwork to consult so we can learn about our new surroundings on our terms, go back to refer to this information, etc.

In China, the community comes before the individual. You being their guest, they want you to feel comfortable, so they offer to do things for you. I mentioned before that when I first arrived, I wanted a map of the university campuses, and instead I was told to ask the office when I'm looking for things.

It's an insult if I don't take their offer, they feel insulted if they find out I have to do something myself, and I feel insulted if I ask a question and don't get a straight answer (which happens sometimes. It's "better" to make me happy than to give me an honest answer that might make me unhappy). But I'm an American. I want my paperwork. Thanks for the offer, that's really nice, but I want to do it myself!!

This concludes today's cultural lesson.

not cheese

2 of my students were out of town for a few weeks, acting as tour guides of some sort for visitors from Mongolia. They were back in class on Friday, and I asked them to tell the class a little about their experience, the language barrier, and cultural differences. Not surprisingly, they focused on food. The Mongolians introduced new dishes to their hosts, and vice versa. My students found some of the new dishes strange, and they thought it was funny that their guests felt the same way about Chinese food.

"The Mongolians, they eat things that I am not used to. Like... cheese..."

"Cheese? They have cheese?" I asked, perhaps a little too excitedly. Cheese and bread are main staples of my diet at home, and what I've been able to find here has been pretty sub-par. Like, Velveeta and Wonder Bread.

"Yes. They gave us some when they left. I can give it to you if you would like."

I insisted that they didn't, but one of my students came to our next class, cheese in hand. He proudly presented it to me, bragging about how much his friends had enjoyed their cheese, and he hoped I liked it, too. I thanked him profusely and smiled as he took his seat. You have no idea how excited I was. As soon as I came home I took out my prize. Oh crap. I thought. This is so not cheese. It was little, and hard, and coated in sesame seeds.

I tried them anyway. Yeah, definitely not cheese, and not good, either. They were sweet, and reminded me of something, but what? And then it dawned on me. It's the cream center of these, but... hard, and totally gross. I'm thinking maybe if I can find some caramel, I can melt the "cheese" into it...? For now, they're sitting in my fridge.

such a let down.

Foreigners in China: Reinforcing stereotypes since 2007

The semester is quickly drawing to a close. After this evening, I only have 2 weeks of teaching left, and though that means there'll be some financial cutbacks, I must say I'm eager for summer break. Semesters are long here, and it's pretty clear that attention spans are starting to dwindle. When taking attendance this evening, I was told by a student that 2 of his classmates were absent because of someone's farewell party, and another could not be there because "he is sick. He is not sick, but he is almost sick. It is so hot outside, he must stay home and rest." Last time I checked, the student was not particularly weak, and all buildings on campus (including his dormitory) are air conditioned, but whatever. It's hot and only going to get hotter, so I'll be happy to follow his example.

The foreign teachers are even more excited for summer than the students. Eager to head home, many have rearranged their schedules to get out of here as early as possible. A number of people go this week, and I've been taking a poll, simply asking what they're most looking forward to doing at home. By the sounds of things, I don't think common stereotypes are too off the mark.

• The American (who by the end of the evening was fr rlz wearing a cowboy hat) is looking forward to some "real pizza" which I'm pretty sure is fast food, America's gift to the world.

• A young woman from Japan, the trend capital of Asia (the world?), plans on going shopping.

• Her Irish husband looks forward to drinking a beer that's not Tsingtao.

• One Canadian looks forward to seeing his friend, who will pick him up from the airport with a welcome home gift in tow: "the fattest joint ever"

• My favorite was the response from the Italian, and I swear to all things holy this is what he said. He will "go home, open my mamma's refrigerator, and eat some mozzarella. That's what I did last time, first thing, I took out the mozzarella and ate it with my hand. Then? Iiii will go out on my Vespa." He was totally serious. Italians don't joke about cheese.

Me? I'll admit, I've had a few fantasies about what I would do if I went home. After hugging my mom and calling my friends to begin plans for the evening, I'd pickup Chipotle or Panera and eat it while watching TV (CNN and VH1, unless The Daily Show is on). Oh, but first I'd drink a real Diet Coke. God bless America.

but they're both free, so really it's win/win

There are a few housing options available for teachers here, my complex being a pretty decent option. It's also, if you teach on this campus, the most convenient. Just so we're clear, in all seriousness I HAVE A VERY NICE APARTMENT, AND I AM VERY FORTUNATE TO LIVE HERE, but there are a few things that I wouldn't mind saying goodbye to.

My office is on South Campus, a half hour commute door-to-door, so the original plan was for me to soon move into one of the university hotels, putting me about a block away from work. It's a pretty decent hotel but, you know, not the Chateau Marmont, and I'd be living in a single room with a communal kitchen. Sine I'd like to keep up my Chinese lessons and will probably be teaching on this campus anyway, I asked my coordinator if I could stay here. Long story short, it's still up in the air, proving to be much more complicated than expected (heeey, like everything else in China!). I don't care that much about the size of my living space; I just don't want to move because that means new annoyances to get over, and I am already quite used to my current annoyances, thank you. Such as:

1. No matter how frequently I dust, sweep, wipe, or mop, this place is still filthy. There are stains and scuffs everywhere, which I gave up trying to get rid of. Removing said stains only revealed how clean my walls could be, if I managed to wipe away the layers and layers of dust covering every inch. I have no idea where most of the marks came from, but I have reason to believe (and this has nothing to do with the new shoe print on my ceiling) that the mystery shoe prints on the walls are from killing bugs. Despite my best efforts, I'm pretty sure I'm just spreading the dirt around.

2. My air conditioning leaks into my living room. The constant dripping make me want to pee every 5 minutes, and it also makes my apartment smell more like mildew than it already does (see 6,7) (I realize I am very lucky to have air conditioning).

3. We have already discussed the explosive stove of death.

4. Below is my washing machine, though that title is a misnomer. I was considering renaming it Dirt Redistributer, but then I realized that might get confusing, because such a name could refer to pretty much all of my cleaning wares. Let's just call it my Clothing Shredder instead. It's multi-functional (I realize I am very lucky to have a washing machine).


5. Also in that picture, you can see my floor (also see below), which is covered in mystery stains that have withstood liters of bleach and Mr. Muscle, though I must say, it could be worse. At least the bathroom floor matches! You can also see that blue plastic tube which runs water from my washing machine to--


6. This drain. Why yes, that is standing water in there! Why no, it doesn't eventually drain away! Why yes, that rusted metal does keep the loose tubing in place by balancing on top of it! Also, it contributes to the mildew smell in my apartment. 1 day of smell per 2 loads laundry.


7. The smell in my bathroom is pretty amazing. Think dirty sock in the Rainforest. And thanks, but I'm pretty sure it has very little to do with me, since a) fresh out of the faucet, my hot water also smells and b) I smell like flowers (I realize I am very lucky to have hot water 24 hours a day (Seriously, I know someone who doesn't, and it pretty much dictates her entire schedule)).

Also, the hotel I'd move to is on a busy intersection, and I've been told it's a great place to watch car accidents.

not in the guidebook

Last week it rained twice, which was a nice change of pace, as it reaches the mid 30s most days. This is noteworthy because it has only rained 3 times since March, and it seemed quite strange to have a completely dry spring. I think everyone was a bit relieved to see the downpour, but they avoided it at all costs. It's funny, people on bikes aren't afraid of darting in front of a speeding bus, but the rain seems to freak them out. They'll smoke, SMS, talk on the phone, and even hold their umbrellas (for shade) while biking in a skirt, but the second a raindrop falls, out come... the ponchos! Giant plastic brightly colored ponchos lined the bike lanes (I use the term loosely. Really, it's bike lane, walking lane, garbage cart lane, taxi lane, anyone in a hurry lane) during evening rush hour. I pictured my mother looking at them, then looking at me and saying, "Uh-huh. Guess in some countries people aren't such snobs!" My mother made me bring a poncho on a 1st grade field trip to the zoo and has been trying to convince me of the convenience and comfort of said poncho ever since (At the age of 6 I told her I'd rather get wet. I was precocious).

Also, the sky looked like this.

You know in Ghostbusters 2, where there's that evil painting and they go down into the sewer and instead of sewage they find writhing and bubbling pink slime? Ok that's what the sky looked like in China.

And then this happened.

Foreground: bug under glass
Background: bug repellent wall plug

I'm a very strong mature woman, and I handle unexpected situations and emergencies surprisingly well. However, bugs kind of give me tourrets. I squeal, I jump, I shake, I act totally obnoxious, so you can imagine, I was quite proud of myself for keeping my hand steady enough to trap this one. Regardless, I'm pretty sure when the sky turns pink and the locusts flee for the indoors, it's time to call Ghostbusters.

just so we all know what I'm up against.

Damn the man, save the empire!

A company wanted to build a toxic chemical factory in Xiamen, Fujian, which was expected to bring in about 80 million RMB for the city. Because that's some serious cash, the local government approved the construction, but environmentalists were less than thrilled that it would be built only a few km from the center of the city. By last Thursday, the government placed a temporary halt on the project, but locals wanted the construction canceled completely, so a protest was held on Friday. The actual number of people who showed up varies depending on who you ask, but noone was arrested, noone was injured.
Well that's nice, but really, big deal.

Actually, it is a big deal.
The right to protest is something I've taken for granted. Not surprisingly, "approved" protests are rare in China, and the CCP is quite infamous in its attempts to stifle any and all opposition and criticism. If you're speaking up against the government or anything having to do with the government (um, so pretty much everything), chances are you won't get their approval and your protest will quickly be halted. The environment is one of few areas they admit needing improvement. Even so, they minimalize the realities of cancer villages and often block reporting any of these "situations" in the news. With a media blackout on news of the demonstration, the time, location and target turnout of one million people were spread almost exclusively by SMS, bbs postings and on blogs (source, also where the picture's from).

The internet here appears to have been on fire last week over the issue. Good summary of links here, danwei.org. Despite China's media failing to report on the event, and despite attempts by the powers-that-be to remove all relevant info from the web, protesters continued to remain vocal, many of them posting SMS online throughout the entire day. Even the picture above, I think, hints at progress. The police could be attempting to arrest everyone. They could be throwing tear gas or worse, but they're not. It would be unfortunate if the factory is eventually built in Xiamen, but today, the local people won.

Along the same lines, today marks the 18th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square "incident." That's what it's called here. Noone mentioned the anniversary to me. There were no newspaper reports, nothing about it on tv. But in Hong Kong, the only place in China that permits June 4th remembrance ceremonies, 50,000 people showed up to remember the incident. I can access most websites despite the China firewall, but there are a few exceptions. I can (with a little trouble) view Wikipedia, but if I try to read the wiki page about Tiananmen Square, the firewall suddenly realizes that I'm trying to view a blocked page, and I get the infamous Problem Loading Page screen. All this trouble to avoid discussing an incident.

So Confucius walks into a bar

Funniest English jokes!! According to some students...

A man goes to a restaurant and says, "I will have the soup." The soup comes, and there is a fly in it! He says, "Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!" The waiter looks and says, "Yes there is."
(Chorus of laughter, students take a moment to regain their composure)

How many steps does it take to put a giraffe in the refrigerator?
3: open the door, put the giraffe in, shut the door
(Chorus of laughter, students take a moment to regain their composure)

How many steps does it take to put an elephant in the refrigerator?
3: take the giraffe out, put the elephant in, shut the door
(Chorus of laughter, students take a moment to regain their composure)

There's a big meeting in the animal kingdom. All the animals attend, even the fish and mosquitoes, except for 1. Who?
The elephant, because he is in the refrigerator!
(Chorus of laughter, students take a moment to regain their composure)

There is a river in the jungle that no one will cross, because killer crocodiles live there. A man crosses the river unharmed. How?
The crocodiles were at the animal kingdom meeting!
(Chorus of laughter, students take a moment to regain their composure)

You are on an airplane with a very fat man, a refrigerator, and a piano. The plane is too heavy! It's going to crash unless you throw something off the plane! What do you do?
Throw out the refrigerator, because there's an elephant inside!
(Chorus of laughter, students take a moment to regain their composure)

An old man is fishing in the ocean. He gets a bite on his line and starts to reel it in. Sadly, as he's leaning over the edge, looking into the water, he dies. What happened?
The refrigerator landed on him!
(Chorus of laughter, students take a moment to regain their composure)

It kind of went on forever like that. After they finished, I asked them what they found so funny about these jokes in particular. "Because it's an elephant!" "The refrigerator was from the plane!" Ah yes, of course. haha.

This can only lead me to conclude 1 of 2 things:
1- they don't actually like these jokes, but they laugh because a foreigner said they were funny
or
2- there's a reason there are no Chinese comedians (nice try but Margaret Cho's def Korean)