Blog de jour

Do you like Chinese food? The first question Americans asked when they learned of my plans happens to be the first question the Chinese ask when we meet. Yes, I like Chinese food. Once you come to visit, you'll discover that there's a lot more to it than chicken lo mein.

It seems as if everyone is eating constantly. Vendors line the streets, and it's not uncommon to see business people walking down the street chomping on an icecream cone or various-glazed-fruit-on-a-stick. Restaurants appear out of nowhere when a guy parks his cooking stand, and sets up a few tables and folding stools (15cm off the ground). Before you know it, the entire block is full of people hunched over on their tiny chairs eating lunch. It's not so much pizza slices or hot dogs, more like Ramen noodles and fried or grilled somethings. Unfortunately, people seem to throw up here more often than freshman pledges at a frat party, and I'd venture to guess that much of this is due to poor food preparation (oh, speaking of, sort of, sorry we tried to kill your pets). It's not like I see it every day, but often enough to keep me away from street food, despite how good it may look.

In China, the phrase "Have you eaten?" is not a precursor to "Well then, want to get something with me?" Have you eaten and Are you hungry are the Chinese versions of How's it going. It continues to catch me off guard, and I sometimes still think this near stranger is about to ask me to grab lunch with them. Equating hungry and full to "how are you" is a bit of a throwback to Once Upon a Time when food wasn't in such bountiful supply (but I might be making this up). Along the same lines, it's considered very rude to finish all your food, as this suggests that you weren't served enough, and a host with impeccable manners will constantly be asking her guests if they would like more of this or more of that, did you have enough to eat, etc etc.

I tend to draw a bit of focus over these questions, as everyone is quite concerned over my diet. This is because I am... a... vegetarian. Being singled out like this is a bit uncomfortable. Did I eat enough, I should eat more such and such, did I try the blabla, I couldn't possibly be full, oh what will she eat, she's a vegetarian. Most Americans think little of it, but the Chinese are still a bit perplexed as to why I would choose to do something like that. Someone asked if I get used to being "hungry all the time." What??

Usually, people here are far too polite to ask me what that's all about, but just in case you were wondering:

• 9 years
• because it grosses me out. You see a steak, I see flesh and muscle and fat. Not in a PETA elitist way.
• yes I wear leather. No, I'm not really a hypocrite. If I liked meat, if it didn't gross me out, I'd eat it. I like fitted leather jackets, and they in no way gross me out.
  
• no i don't miss it; I don't really remember it
• yes I eat eggs, no I don't eat fish. No, an egg is not the same thing as a baby chicken. No really, it's not. You're an idiot.
• I don't care if you eat it in front of me, hold it under my nose, talk about it, order it, or cook it.
  
• It's a little presumptuous of you to ask me how I'll raise my children.
• Yes, those jokes about me ordering the 4lb hamburger are still very funny and original.

At home, this is such a non-issue that people who know me very well (ahem, Mom!) still occasionally forget. Here, it's a completely different story, and there's sometimes a big fuss over what should we order for WCBF, like I'm not sitting right there. Really, I am so easily pleased, you have no idea. Just give me something green or soy-based and I'm thrilled. Because nearly all restaurants serve "family style," this does often come up when trying to decide what to order, which is complicated enough within itself if you do it right. There are all kinds of rules in having a well "balanced" meal, which I'll clue you in on once I figure them out for myself. All that's too difficult for those of us with embarrassingly bad Chinese, so we usually go for a game of zhege instead, which is an easy game that requires very little Chinese. The rules are simple: When the waitress comes, say "zhege" (or "this") point to the menu, and look up at her. Then the food comes and you see what terrible thing you ordered. Everyone wins!

Ordering regular style can be fun, too.

"We'd like the greenbeans with peanuts. I am a vegetarian, so I do not eat meat (you have to be this explicit because otherwise they won't take the question seriously). Is there meat in this dish?"
"No, no meat."
"No fish?"
"No fish."
"No crab or lobster?"
"No crab or lobster."
"No cow?"
"No cow."
"No pig?"
"oh, well yes, there is pig.."